What to do instead of yelling at your kids. Here are some playful and simple ways to remove yourself from the situation and still handle it such that your little children know that mommy is not happy with the situation.
I like to maintain a pleasant personality at all times. I don’t like getting angry at my children but sometimes, things go really bad.
I’ve had 4 children in 6 years. That means, mostly, they was always a baby or a toddler in the house. While I got busy with the youngest, there would be a silence or a CRASH! I am sure you know what I mean…
Sometimes, I stepped on a Lego.
I caught little Miss Busybody filling the toy box with water.
They fed the fish… the what?
She was caught finger painting on the couch.
He wiped my red lipstick on the bed-skirt.
…fed dinner to the dog
I’m sure you have your own stories.
There is always that reason to yell at our kids. But do you sometimes feel that you shouldn’t? You don’t want to but you cannot help it!
Do you wish that there was something else that you could do when you get that impulse? May be its time for a change…
I like to believe that I am a fun mom. I try very hard to create a joyful environment in my home because I now that these little episodes are not what our children will remember when they grow up. What they will remember is that how mom reacted when they made a mistake.
Sometimes, it is very hard to try to be a happy mom when you are sick, tired, overworked and overwhelmed. The best solution to that is to go on Safe Mode. Click here to read about it if you need that.
But, as an intentional mom, I work hard to plan how I will address situation like these in my home. I have developed some mom tricks in the past 12 years that help me in handling my stress.
What to do instead of Yelling at your child when you are Angry
Here are 15 ways to not yell at your kids. You will find that some of these are common sense techniques, while others hilarious but they are all personally tested and psychologist approved.* Well, almost…
1. Keep your sense of humor:
It can be very difficult to laugh the situation away sometimes, but remember, years later if not hours, you may be laughing at them when you relate it to someone or may be even think about it yourself.
2. Beat them with wit and presence of mind:
Of course, there will be times when you feel like you’re at your wits end but not always!
She is arguing, he is having a meltdown and the littlest one is crying for food. What can you do?
Distract. Tell the eldest she has ten minutes to herself. She can do whatever she likes but in limits (always use limits); snacks for the toddler and a book to go with it (it is story time!) while you feed the baby.
3. Remember that they are just kids:
I know, you have heard this too many times but I also know how many times I forget that.
My kids are 6 years and under and I keep forgetting that my 6 year old is a “little” one himself. I lose my patience at him for simple things like not putting on his shoes fast enough or when he can’t get his buttons done in the morning but after a while, usually after he has gone to school, I remember that I would still be putting shoes on him or dressing him if he didn’t have little siblings. They are just kids and there are many things they cannot do or things that they are still learning.
Talking is one of them. When they argue, they are testing us. They want to know of they are they allowed to speak like that? When they run away in public, they are testing us again. ‘Are they allowed to move around freely’.
Many times, the reason children misbehave is because they don’t know their boundaries there limits. Have you read the book, ‘Boundaries’ by Henry Cloud and John Townsend? I recommend it.
4. Stand in their shoes and look at things from their perspective:
He’s had a bad day at school and he comes home to find you busy with work and his sister.
He asks for something, you turn him down.
Dad is away on business. He finds your phone. While fiddling with it, accidentally, deletes all your contacts.
Uh, oh! I know… I would be furious!
But he keeps saying he is sorry… and I know he has done it accidentally.
You have to say something and that shouldn’t be harsh but enough to let him know that he shouldn’t be touching your stuff. That’s when I pull out our extreme chart! (It is used only for when they are totally out of control wrong.) I’d give an ‘X’ on this chart and explain the consequences of what he had done. (Of course the X is rubbed off in a few days and replaced by a good act.)
5. Don’t give priority to materialistic things over your kids.
Have you read this?
‘People are for loving and things are for using. It is when we love things and use people that everything goes wrong.’
6. What would you say on Social Media?
When you have that compulsion to give them one long, long, long lecture, compose a tweet or fb status of the situation right there and then in your head. I know, how silly this sounds, but it really does cool you off enough to think and say something calmly and later.
7. Imagine yourself in a comic strip.
People don’t yell in comic strips. They just draw their emotions. 😀 Okay may be it is because I doodle that this works for me but seriously sometimes things are so seriously funny in my house that I really feel someone should make a comic out of my life!
8. Get a glass of water, sit/stand or lie down.
It shocks them (kids). Get a glass of water and drink it s-l-o-w-l-y. As those seconds tick, you will find yourself calming down and the kids realizing Uh-oh they did something wrong.
After you are done, explain what happened right there.
9. Get some Chocolate or ice-cream.
I always feel that all disputes should be solved over some ice-cream or chocolate. Just don’t tell them that.
10. Sing, do not yell at your kids.
Better yet if you can sing your thoughts to them. Of course you’ll all end up in splits but that is exactly what we want: to lighten the atmosphere.
My eldest is 12 years old now… I still sing my complaints to him. There is nothing that annoys him more. 😉
11. Imagine that you are being filmed.
People never say or do stuff they would otherwise do when they know that everything that they are saying or doing is being recorded. (Yes, you may rush to powder your nose.)
12. Walk away.
You have heard and read that but can it really be done? Yes.
Take a watch with you when you walk away, time yourself to a complete 15minutes (you have no idea how hard that is!) and then come back and say what you want to.
I find it helpful to go shine my sink or declutter a kitchen cabinet. 😉 Just saying…
13. Write about it.
Carry a small notebook or keep it in a place easily reachable.
Every time, you need to yell, take it out, write down whatever was on your mind, shut it and keep it back. Make sure you write in front of them and that you do not say a word even. There are two advantages to this: One, you did not yell at your kid. Two, they know they are in big, big trouble. You wrote it down. No idea, what you will do with that.
I started this idea when I was in college. We had extremely annoying Seniors. Everything I said or did would be used against me if I was caught in trouble so this was my trick to annoy them. 🙂
14. Yell in a foreign language.
If you can’t speak another language…fake it.
Trust me, this is super effective especially when all your children are fighting with you. Just imagine the situation!
Go on try it.. Speak something totally nonsense when someone is asking you for something or try consoling preschooler in total gibberish. Of course, never over-use this tip. Or it loses its purpose. Just when nothing else works.
That’s my 14 tricks to avoid yelling at my kids. But remember, the most basic of all is that every mum should eat well and have a good nights sleep. A well rested mum will stand every test with her cape flying.
So… What are your mom tested tips? Do you yell at your kids? Or do you sing to them?
*My sister is a child psychologist and play therapist.