I am talking about mothering through difficult life situations today. Learning to accept failure and disability takes a big heart. How can you support your child when he is inconsolable? What can you say to him to have faith in God and trust that it is fate?
This past month, our life came to stand still. Four days into November, on his birthday, my son had a tragic accident leaving him with a disability for life. He lost a part of his finger. It’s been amputated.
Between doubts and grief; tears of pain and failure, learning to accept that this is how it is going to be, he asked: Doesn’t God love me enough? What did I do wrong? Am I a bad boy?
When life pushes you to your knees, you’re in the perfect position to do a sajdah (pray).
He didn’t go to school for two weeks and everyday, while his sisters were at school he would sit and cry. He would call himself stupid. I tried to tell him that it wasn’t his fault and that even grown ups make mistakes.
We talked about Fate and then over and over again, I tried to make him understand that in life, we don’t always have to have someone to blame things on. Sometimes, it is just better to accept that it is fate.
We all get hurt. Life happens.
There is a story behind every person. That is how they became who they became. Every story has heartaches and lessons that you can learn from.
The successful stories are of people who took their life’s circumstances in their stride and moved forward. They took their disability and made it their motivation. We talked about Beethoven and Van Gogh. We talked about our life and the loss of his sister.
God does not burden His slave beyond what they can handle. He only tests those who He loves. It’s only after rigorous polishing that you can shine through. Will you stand strong in your faith… or will you break under it?
The day they opened the bandages, D fainted. He was shocked to see his hand. After we revived him, the doctor sat him down to talk. He said, ‘I know it is hard but you have to accept it. This is how it is going to be now. You cannot hide from the world… nor should you.’
Sometimes we need to lose something to become complete.
How do you make a 10yr old accept his handicap? I know it will take time but I have to help him have the confidence to face the world. People will tease him or look down on him but he has to be brave.
He has to get out of his grief. It is hard to be not sad. It hurts to look at yourself. He does not want any feelings in this hand, he says. That is a crazy thing to wish. 🙁
Learning to accept failure and disability: Dealing with the shock as Parents
You know what is the hardest part of it all? Not to blame ourselves or others.
As his parents, the initial shock has numbed us down. We couldn’t feel any grief or hurt. Then three days after when he came home from the hospital, one after the other, we all broke down. The girls hugged their brother and cried – one in silence hiding in her room, the other clinging to him. Z just sat on the couch silently.
In the beginning, we both tried hard to not show anger or resentment but it just wasn’t possible to hide it. We blamed each other and called each other out on where we had failed but then… after all that is said and done, we learnt that it isn’t our fault.
We may find a hundred things to say to each other but at that moment what we needed was to stand together and support our child. It was not our fault nor was it his. It was that moment. It was fate.
Through it all, we learnt another lesson in piety. When you believe in God, it will make you stronger. The doubts will all creep away leaving your vision clearer.
The accident could have been worst. We could have lost our child… he could have lost his whole arm… but it was only a fraction of his finger. He can still be normal. He will learn to do everything again. It will not be the same but our child is here with us. He will overcome his grief and pain. We will get used to how he looks now and we will have learnt a lesson from this all. This will be another page turned in our story.
At the end of the day, when you look in the mirror, it’s you that you see. No matter what you go through in life, whatever happens, wherever you go, whoever you become… years later, when you smile in that mirror, it will still be you.
Plan for December- Monthly Goals:
The coming month, I am back to planning. Last month, we completed the goals I had for the month but there are a few things that we will be working again on.
1. We will learn about Salah and how we can try harder to pray on time and regularly. I have made a family chart that will be posted in a few days. Stay tuned!
2. The Ummayids. Last month we finished the Rashidoon Khalifahs
3. The 5 pillars of Islam. We will be revising and talking in detail about this.
4. The adhkaar this month are: Dua e shifaa, dress change and morning adhkaar
5. This month, I am revising the surahs they know so far. That means the last two Juz for my 10 year old. The 5 year old and 4 year old will be doing the preschool syllabus.
We tried Mexican recipes in November. We have one favorite recipe now – Mexican Vegetable rice, that is going to be part of our meal plan! yay! That’s progress.
I made a refrigerator inventory and recipe check list. It is genius. I will share it with you in a post of it’s own because I cannot stop talking about it. 😉
Last month I had planned to break the habit of checking my phone at bedtime and on waking up. Alhamdulillah I have stuck to it. The best way, I found was to just turn off the internet at bedtime. It has really helped me keep my stress in check!
I also started myself on Vitamins and Calcium supplements. This has helped me reduce how much tea I drank! Highly recommend the iHerb supplements that I ordered!
This month my plan is to limit social media and email checking to twice a day. Hubby asked me if I ran a blog or a call-center that I am on my phone all day answering mails and messages. 😐 YIKES!!
We need more craft time. Sometime after teh summer, we stopped the craft hour and my children have been so cranky since then. We need it back. So inshaAllah, we will be back to coloring and creating at 3pm everyday!
These are my goals for December. I’d love to hear what your plan for the month is. Join me in the comments.
Welcome to the Monthly Goals Blog Hop! Do you plan your month ahead? Have you anything in particular that your looking forward to this month? Is there anything in your life that needs focus? Kids, family, self… what is your motivation?
This blog hop is to help you make new friends and find a partner to stay accountable to. Every month, a group of us get together to write our monthly goals. This helps us stay connected, accountable as well as inspire other moms to know how we do it all.
This month the participating blogs are:
Jeddah Mom – Confident Parenting | Deliberate Motherhood
Multicultural Motherhood-December Monthly Goals Knitting
Alizeh My Soul – Let’s Plan and Work for a Productive Living