Why Your Toddler Is Driving You Crazy – And the Calm, Islamic Approach That Actually Helps

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If your toddler’s behaviour is pushing you to your limit, this is the post for you. Today. I am writing for mothers who have children 1-4 years old. I often get emails from moms, who say that they don’t know how to handle their toddlers or 4 year olds.

Parents of toddlers and preschoolers often tell me they are frustrated and angry with how their child behaves.

Sometimes there is hitting involved too. If you relate with this struggle, I want you to know that I understand and totally feel for you, Sis. ‘This too shall pass‘ but… here’s something to help you through this season of life.

When your child is driving you crazy, be kind.

For a moment, let’s imagine your 4 year old was not your child but your little pet. What if your toddler was not a human but a little kitten?

Imagine you have been put in charge of a small cute baby-cat. Would you still treat him/her the same way you do now?

Would you expect the kitty cat to behave? To do things right? Would you still keep your home the same way that you are keeping now (without making it safe) for a cat to live in?

I know this sounds a little crazy, but hear me out…

The day you learn that your little toddler is just like a pet trying to explore his/her surroundings, just curious and interested in his environment, that’s the day you will learn how to calm down and start treating your child the way they need to be treated.

Your toddler loves you, but there are things they want to try – explore, touch, feel, experience.

They know this is their home. They know you’re the parent and they definitely, don’t hate you or try to do things to annoy you! They just don’t know how to do things.

They have recently learnt to walk, climb, hold, push, pull, grab, lift, talk, hit, cut, tear, smear… they want to practice that. It is not about right or wrong… they don’t even know what is the right or wrong yet.

When your child is being naughty, don’t shout. 

Don’t hurt them… don’t be cruel. That’s your baby. That’s your little “pet “who is learning about the world. What they see in you, is what they are going to think the world is like.

If you shout at your child or hurt them, they are going to associate that with all adults. They are going to feel that to survive in this world, they need to either fight back or conform.

When you hit your child or verbally abuse them, you teach them that abuse is normal. That they deserve it. That it is alright to be hurt or be hurt by others.

Is that what you want your child to learn?  Is that how you want them to see the world?

Do you want your child to think it is alright to hurt people? Do you want your child to grow up being hurt by others and be okay with it? Are you okay with that? Think about it.

If not… act today. Be the change you wish to see in your home and in your child.

Let me show you how.

Understand Toddlers and Remember Your Parenting Purpose

At the moment, your toddler is a little person trying to make sense of their world. They want to know how to be big.

They see mommy and daddy going about their day, doing fun things like putting food on their plate, pouring water in a glass, cooking, sorting, stirring, using appliances, working their laptops, using the phone, driving cars… they want to do it too. They want to do everything like adults! And why not?!

Dear mom, your work as a parent isn’t to do just everything for them when they are babies, and then grow them up to send them to school, do their homework for them and pester them through high school to get good marks, to get to a college and then serve them like a servant so they get a degree and make you proud.

NO!

Please understand what a mother’s job really is…

1. God entrusted us with these children so we can raise them to be good Muslims and good human beings.
2. Your job is to train them – teach them , on how they can live in harmony with others.
3. Our job is to prepare our children for the life they are to live as adults.
4. We are to teach them how to be successful human beings.

What is a successful human being? A person who knows how to manage his day to day life, his connections, his responsibilities and desires with his faith.

Your job, dear mother, is to train your child to do things for themselves.

Before you teach your child manners… understand your child.

I know you want your toddler to learn good manners and get along with others. And I know you are struggling. That’s why you are angry.

So, you need to start by understanding your child – accepting who they are and what they want, before you can teach them to listen to you.

Calm and Gentle Steps to Parenting Your Toddler

I know it is hard to keep your calm when your child seems to be intentionally playing with your nerves but there are calm and gentle ways to deal with them. Here’s my five step method.

Step 1: Drop your expectations

So the first thing I recommend you do, is to train yourself to drop your expectations little by little until your expectations are just your child’s size. Tiny.

Read that again.

Step 1 is to train yourself to stop having high expectations from your kid.

Step 2: Let them truly enjoy their everyday life

That is very easy to do actually… sounds hard but not so.

Start by being an active commentator in your child’s life. What I mean by that is, that I want you to imagine you work in a museum. 🙂

As you go through your day, keep talking. Explain to your child what you are doing. TALK… Keep talking. Say what time it is, tell them what you are doing, why you are doing it… how it impacts them… whatever you can think of.

Make it fun. The reason why we are doing this is because toddler need words to express anger and things around them. Children (and adults) get frustrated and do mean things because they can’t express how they feel.

Run a commentary…

“It is 11am. I am going to go in the kitchen. Come on with me. Uh-oh you are too short for the kitchen!

Here, let me grab this high chair for you to sit in. You can sit here and eat this lovely apples.

Can you see this red apple?

Juicy! Yummy yummy! Smell it! Umm…mmm… what a yummy apple. Here hold it, while I grab a plate and knife to cut it.

Here’s a nice green plate with a lovely dinosaur on it. Don’t you just love dinosaurs! I love dinosaurs too! Grrrrr… ROAR!!

Here hold the plate… and can I take that apple? Thank you!

Here’s how you cut the apple… here’s a piece for you and a piece for mommy…”

That is an example of how to be an active commentator. Keep talking.

Sep 3: I want you to learn to keep your toddler with you.

If you have two toddlers, keep both with you. If you have three, let them all follow you around.

Have you seen how animals always have their babies following them around. Trust me there is wisdom in it.

STOP resisting them. Stop feeling like you should get your child away from you.

Sister, those children will slowly, one by one, stop following you around. They will ALL. BY. THEMSELVES learn to not want to be in the same room as you. Trust me on this. But for now… for your own good, get used to having the kids around you.

Sleep with them in the same room if you can. Feed them with you. Eat WITH them. Let them nap on you. Smell them. Kiss them. Be happy that they fit in your arms and lap. One day, they won’t.

Get out of your own mind. Shake off that feeling and resistance of not wanting your children around you! I know that you often feel too “touched”; I know it gets on your nerves and sometimes you wish you could have your old life back.

Please listen to me. Talk to yourself and learn to love having that little toddler (or two or more) around you.

There is an age when our children want their mothers to be around them. They must touch you, smell you and feel you to feel safe, loved and happy. Don’t take that away from them.

A baby who feels loved, safe and happy will not need to fight for your attention. They won’t need to act up to get noticed. There won’t be any need for mischief.

Four year olds are babies too. They are GIANT babies. T-Rex babies.

Step 4: Give them opportunities to do what they want to do.

If they need to jump, take them to a place they can jump. If they need to run, take them where it is okay to run. If they want to taste/ eat… let them eat what is good to eat. If they want to practice tearing… show them what is good to tear. If they want to squish something… give them something to squish. Give them opportunities to do things.

Look Sister, we adults can go for runs, we can join gyms, we can go get a coffee, eat a candy, sleep when we want to, swim in the water, sit in a hot tub… all by ourselves whenever we feel like it.

Can your toddler go grab an ice cream from the fridge without getting into trouble?

Think about it. Give them opportunities to do things.

If you catch them doing something mischievous like smearing the diaper cream on the floor or cutting your money, tell them this is not what they should do.

Just say it calmly as you take the jar way and proceed to clean it. Show them how to clean it up WITH YOU. Take their assistance in cleaning up the mess THEY made.

Say: “Uh-oh… tssk! That is a horrible mess! Why did you do that? It made the floor all slippery and dirty. ::sad face::

Come on… we have to clean it! Come on and help me. Grab some tissues. We need to wipe this. Help me clean this mess.

We need to wash it now. Sponge this like this. You do this. I do this.

That’s done. Let’s go throw all this away and wash our hands. do you know where to throw this?

In the dust bin! Yay… yes! You smart baby!

Next time can you please not do this. Tell mommy if you want some cream. I can give you. Okay? Say, “okay.”

Thank you. I love you baby.”

Show them what is okay and what is not. Give them words to express how they feel and how they should act. When you keep talking, you are showing them how to talk.

Step Five: Show them how to do their own things.

How to brush their hair, put on their clothes, brush their teeth, make their bed, pour their cereal, their glass of milk; how to put on their shoes or jacket. Let them do it.

The world will not come to a screeching halt to stare and judge you if your child wore the wrong shoe on the foot. Or if they decided to wear the same dress everyday of the week. Usually nobody has time or care.

Even if the world did come to screeching halt to stare and judge you and your child, thank them for their time and effort to correct you but, you do you.

God gave you your child for a reason. Most probably because you have the skills to parent them…? The world can mind their own business when it comes to how you raise your child. 

Adopt that attitude.

Let’s remember:

These are the five steps on how to be calm and gentle to your toddler when they are driving you crazy. Remind yourself that this is a phase and that you will look back on it one day, and thank yourself for taking the time to do what you did.

1. Train yourself to have you less expectations from your child.
2. Be an active commentator in your child’s life
3. Keep your toddler with you.
4. Give them opportunities to do what they want to do.
5. Show them how to do their own things

That’s also how you tame toddlers from being “wild-toddlers” to “pet-toddlers”. Enjoy your little pet. 🙂

Struggling to Make Your Toddler Listen?

You may have tried a lot of things but one thing most parents often don’t know about is that a good routine is key to maintaining stability and peace at home. You cannot expect your child to cooperate if there is no safety net around them at home. Children need boundaries, stable routines and a sense of personal accomplishment to feel loved and safe.

This is why I created the Calm Confident Children’s Bundle.

If you’ve tried routines before and they fell apart within a week, it isn’t your fault. And it is not your child’s fault either.

A sample schedule tells you what to do. It doesn’t tell you how to get your child to actually cooperate with it. It doesn’t give you a morning routine chart your 3 year old can follow independently. It doesn’t tell you what to do when the afternoon falls apart, or how to handle the days when everything goes sideways.

That gap between knowing what a good routine looks like and actually living it is exactly why I built the Calm Confident Children’s Bundle.

Here’s what’s inside:

• 20 done-for-you routine charts — school time, summer, homeschool, morning, afternoon and evening routines, all formatted and ready to print tonight
• 3 Family Rules charts — screen time, quiet time, and house rules — so your child knows what’s expected without you having to repeat yourself
• 20 accountability and progress charts to make cooperation feel like a game, not a battle
• The Perfect Routines Workbook — a step-by-step guide to customising a routine that works for your child’s temperament, not just a generic 3 year old
• “Is My Child Getting Enough Sleep?” workbook — so you can stop guessing and start adjusting with confidence
• 150+ play and learning activities so you always know how to fill the morning and afternoon slots meaningfully
• …and more!

One mom who used it said: “My home went from chaos to calm in one week.” Another said: “No power struggles since. A happier home.”

It’s $39 — less than a single trip to the supermarket — and you get access within minutes of purchasing.

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