A memory popped up in my Facebook feed from 10 years ago. It was from the time when I had two children and was struggling to find balance between juggling kids and dreaming of being more than “just a mother”.
It is funny how just a few years can make a difference. At that time, I would become irritable at just the slightest things. I was a young wife and a new mother. I had dreams… BIG DREAMS. But I also had little children – a baby and toddler, to be precise.
The truth is, we all start out the same but a few years down the line, our journey is so much different.
When we have little children, our big dreams seem so far away.
It feels impossible to remember that someday our children will grow up and we will have all the time in the world.
Back in 2010, I had a 3 year old son and a 12 month old baby. My life was busier then than it is now.
I was always tired. The one thing constantly on my mind was the fact that my university degree was being wasted. I wanted to do my PhD – it was my one dream.
Everyday after the kids went to bed, I’d search the net, looking for names and addresses of universities near me – wherever I could apply. I’d scroll through facebook, a little envious of my friends doing big things while I was just “only changing diapers”.
I told myself that I ‘hated’ being a stay at home wife. The dishes were never done. There was always laundry. The bathrooms were dirty… I hated that the work never finished!
But I loved my babies. I’d work till late at night and then wake up to my baby calling me out at dawn. I’d open my eyes to see her grinning at me, babbling – telling me she was excited to be up.
All my dreams from the previous night would fade seeing her bright face. Slowly my little boy would wake and then would start the ‘routine’.
The babies would jump on dad while I made breakfast. We’d send him off and then clean together. I’d make the bed (making sure to flutter the sheet in the air a tad too many times) just to hear my children’s shrieks of laughter.
I’d fold the clothes … and they’d pull them all out. It would take 2-3 tries before both babies be scooped up and caged in their cot so I’d stuff things in.
I’d be cooking… they’d be emptying my drawers or opening and shutting the cabinets.
Or there would be silence… only for me to run outside and find them calmly sitting in a pile of toys… chewing TISSUES!
We’d sort the laundry. Son and I would separate clothes – white, black, color – while Zuzu emptied the basket or crawled through to mix the piles. My son scolding her sister… me asking them to get along.
Then she was gone. My daughter passed away in a medical accident.
Children grow up. Only memories remain…
If I could go back in time and say something to the person I was then, I’d say:
“This too shall pass. Hold on to these moments because you blink and it’s gone. Your children will give you time to pursue your dreams but right now, they need you to play with them. It’s hard now but there will be ease soon.”
Life with little children is hard
In 2010, when I had two children, every day was a struggle. I felt like life moved at a snail’s pace. I felt anxious and angry to be stuck in my position. I felt my kids were too small and dependent on me. It kept me up at night thinking that my life was going nowhere. But you know what…? My life was moving. It really was.
Just like a butterfly needs to be in the cocoon, I was building my wings.
Isn’t it funny how we mothers, when our children are small, we always say, “When the kids grow up, I will…” or “I can’t wait my kids to grow up so that I can…” But when then kids grow up, we say ” When the kids were small, we did…”
I am thankful today that in the one year that I had with her, I did everything a mother could do for her child.
My camera was always charged and ready to capture everything she did. I took her to far off places and let her enjoy the world.
We did everything that we could in that one year …
10 years have passed. I had two more children after her. My eldest is 13 years old. The youngest is 7. I have my own business today. I had big dreams and little children then. Now I have big kids and a successful online business that I built from home, playing with my little children.
Have you heard that poem:“If I had to raise my kids over again…”? It is my favorite poem that I read long before I had kids.
Dear mom with little children,
It is good that you have dreams. Dream BIG dreams while you have little children. Keep that spark alive. Think about it, nurture it and fuel it with the love for your children but also keep faith when things seem to be moving slow. Very soon your babies will be bigger. You will have more time on your hands.
Tell me what are you struggling with? Here are some articles to help you:
- How to cook with little babies and toddlers
- Stay at Home Mom Sample Routine
- 3 year old child schedule
- School aged children routine
- How to find time to do everything in your life
- 7 ways happy moms raise happy children
Do you need a routine and good habits in your life?